Wednesday, January 9, 2013

What I've Learned

....Not how to hit a curve ball, not literally anyway.

This one is a lot less photoey (photo eee? photoish?) than...well than all my other posts. When it comes to photography I've got more than just a few things to talk about. On the other hand I kind of feel like talking about myself today. The great thing about me (stay with me here) is that when I'm 84 years old I'll be able to look back on my 20's and say, "I was such an idiot, but at least i grew out of it." While i'm saying that, I'll be bopping my head to some 90's alternative... waxing poetic about how awesome it was when hoverboards came out in 2015.

In my early 20's I had some pretty serious self confidence issues. 

I didn't always kick this much ass while doing the Carlton.

Why? Hell if I know. I've always had a lot of friends, and at that point I hadn't been without a girlfriend for more than a few months at a time. I suppose at some point in everyone's life self doubt manages to creep in. With me though it was more like being hit by a bus. 

I think a lot of it had to do with still feeling more than just a little bit lost.

Not the awesome road trip kind of lost either...

I did a great job of pretending to be fine (something that I still hate to say I'm good at) so I doubt anyone noticed. I was listless. I had a job that I didn't loathe (though that would change rapidly) and a girl that I loved (again, that would also change) so I didn't think I had any legitimate reason to complain.

Then I (cliche I know) discovered myself.
Somewhere around the time this was taken actually.

I think photography had a lot to do with it. Something about taking photos and sharing them with people felt...cathartic. It's like saying "This is me. This is how I see it." without hiding anything. Sharing little pieces of your world with others, or something like that. In any event, it fostered a lot of growth in how I interacted with people and the world around me. It also grabbed my attention like nothing else had before. It gave me the confidence I needed to take myself where I wanted to go.
It was the first time I knew what I wanted to do with my life and I was 24.

When I meet people who are on their way out of college that express worry over their future I tell them this. That it wasn't even until I was well out of college (over a year) that I really had any interest in a particular path. It was some time after that where I even entertained the thought that it would actually work...and even more time after that before I started to pursue it relentlessly. And now here I am, a 30 year old who knows without any shadow of a doubt my place in the world. I'm meant to explore it, to explore people, to share what I see with everyone.

Must. Go. Places

I've got a good job. I've got the girl. I've got a passion that drives me. Life is pretty damn good.

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